Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
