I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
