Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You're like the curious george of whores
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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