This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
