You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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