If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
