I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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