I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
