a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
