I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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