I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
