I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize