1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
