peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
