There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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