why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
