I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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