My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
