Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
