i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
