yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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