Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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