My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
