i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
