Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
