It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
