I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
