My Higher Power is John Stamos
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
