U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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