I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
