just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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