it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
