Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
