I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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