is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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