Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
