shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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