i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
