Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
