It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
