I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
