i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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