The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
