dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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