I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
