Just fell off a train. Bad.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i love accidental penises.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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