you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
