I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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