Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
