I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
