So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
