i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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