Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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