A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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