Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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