Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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