So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
