was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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