I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
