my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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