I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
