Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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