bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
