Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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