I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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