Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
