There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
