Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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