dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
