Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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