so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
