There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
