I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
