and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
