First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
